Showing posts with label transition. Show all posts
Showing posts with label transition. Show all posts

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Welcome Expat Blog Directory Readers!

Hello Expat Blog Directory Readers! I was excited to have my blog named "Expat Blog of the Month" for December 2008. I have thoroughly enjoyed clicking on your blogs at random and reading about your lives all over the world. I feel lucky to be in Prague and hope you'll enjoy the journey with me. Thank you, Julien, at Expat Blog Directory for selecting my blog: Empty Next Expat. Click on the title to read the Expat Blog Directory story.

My Communist Backyard



The nice thing about these giant courtyards surrounded by panalaky is that a Mom on the 10th floor can send her children out to play and be able to see where they are on the playground from her window the entire time.

The menacing part about living in these apartments during Communist times is that there was usually one family in each building who had to sign off on a resident getting a plum job. Their job was to keep an eye on you. Czechs say you couldn't afford to be anything but ultrapolite to them at all times. Those days are over.
I've heard more positive than negative stories about growing up in panelaky. Older Czechs valued the ability to run free
like kids did in my generation in America.
They think their grandchildren's lives are overscheduled now.


Living here does not have the feeling of living
in a housing project in America

(even if it can sometimes look like it).
The people are middle-class. It feels incredibly safe.
They fix up their apartments on the inside

and with the great light from the big windows

it can be spacious city living.

From this spot it's just 20 minutes to downtown by metro-
something any Chicagoan would envy
Tennis and basketball courts

Graffiti is a plague all over Prague.


This same style of monorail kept me occupied
for hours when I was a kid in America



All they need is some homeowner association dues, some paint,
a band, and you've got yourself a summer dance party.

Bring your own paddle and ball

There are often the tiniest of businesses on the ground floor.
I've seen manicurists, ski supplies, and convenience stores.
It makes it pretty handy to fetch a liter of milk.

I'm not sure what these are for - clotheslines, perhaps?
Ahh, People after my own heart -they can create beauty anywhere.
And in the winter, no less!

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Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Was Living in Soviet Housing on my Bucket List?

Soviet-inspired housing, named panelaky in Czech,
because they're put up in a hurry with panels


Pretty grim, eh?
That's my balcony, third from the top,
underneath the satellite dish,

complete with dish towels on the line
.

No sheets! No coffee pot! No mixing bowls! The carpet! Who knew they made carpet so thin? A mattress box that one could use to store clothes in underneath. A shower curtain held up by five working rings out of ten. Four out of five lights burnt out in my room with the last one going out the night I arrived. I half expected to find 'instant gulag gruel' packets in the cupboards. What is it exactly that Communist builders had against beauty?

But the view! Did I mention the view of the city yet? The windows in panelaky were the only kind one could buy in the Czech Republic under communism but they actually seem extravagant because of their giant size. They swing wide open too.

Then there's the convenience. There was one brand of grocery store called Billa across the street and two more at my metro stop. Grocery shopping took only fifteen minutes.

Plus, I remembered the last time I traded in a pretty cozy home for a two-bedroom concrete block apartment. And that apartment didn't even have thin carpeting - it had no carpeting. Those were two of the most incredible years of my life - graduate school, living in what Americans call 'married student housing' (whether one is married or not). It was fantastic. I wouldn't trade those years for anything.

And Daniel Glick, the author of "Monkey Dancing: A Father, Two Kids and a Journey to the Ends of the Earth," one of my all-time favorite books about travel, talks about how if you are going to see the world, you are going to have to live in some, ahem, unexpected places." My friends told me when they helped me move out that this was actually an "upscale" panelak.

So I had an hour of freak-out when I arrived. Where was my imagined historic Prague walk-up? Then acceptance and happiness kicked in. I knew I was up for it. Women could make a home in a yurt if we had too. And the people I met over the course of my month here were just as nice as could be. Click on the title to read an interesting history of panelaky. I'll show my panelaky courtyard next.

The living room with the balcony attached

Kitchen

Dining room

Bedroom #1

Bedroom #2

You could fit a lot of Christmas presents in here

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Sunday, November 23, 2008

Ladies Who Lunch

My virtual friend
and now
new 'real' friend Sherry


When I was contemplating moving to Prague, I was especially interested in the first-hand experiences of non-Czech people who were already here. That is what makes websites like Expat Blog Directory and Expat Women so helpful. If you want to read how expats in a particular country view their experience, you can find all sorts of blogs organized by country and quite often, organized down to the city level.

One of the blogs I found was Czech Off the Beaten Path written by Sher, an expatriate who had fallen in love with a Czech and moved here in 2006 to begin married life. Sher had two children in high school when she and Jiři met. Like me, she went through the whole transition of graduating them to college and downsizing her possessions for the big move to the Czech Republic. When I started following her blog, we discovered during those six months how similar our experiences were and became "virtual" friends.

Now here I am in Prague and we were finally getting to meet!

Sher took me to her favorite penzion for lunch. Named Penzion JaS, it was a genteel non-smoking spot near Dejvické, the last stop on the green line. She made me feel so welcome! Not only did she take me to lunch, she even presented me with a bottle of Bechkerovka, the "official" herbal spirit of the Czech Republic, attributed with all sorts of healing properties. I laughed because there could be no gift more "Czech!"

We gabbed non-stop and afterwards went for a short walk in the neighborhood there and enjoyed looking at Czech houses and yards. It's great to have a new American friend so far from home!

I admire how the Czechs
can get flowers to bloom
through mid-November.
How do they do that?

Mom, this picture is for you.
I knew you would be interested
in all decoration - indoor and out


Ladies who lunch, or is it:
Bloggers who brunch!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

My Own Bed

There was this lady in Chicago named Bernadette.

Bernadette was a single mum and had her own set of children. She then took in her sister's kids when her sister was going through a heroin addiction and wasn't caring for them properly. I can't remember how many kids there were total but it was around six.

Bernadette worked at Starbuck's in Chicago and passed sunshine on to every single person who came into her store. Her attitude was remarkable and she did nothing but give, give, give with enthusiasm to everyone she came in contact with. One of her customers or coworkers came to know her well, know her story, and wrote Oprah and said "here's a beautiful lady who could use some help."

Well, the resulting show was so touching and so moving that it was even featured in one of the Ocean Eleven movies. George Clooney's character asked Brad Pitt's character, "you're not going to cry, are you?"

Oprah bought Bernadette a house, had Nate Berkus, her decorator, fix it up, promised the entire family she would send them all to college, and basically changed the trajectory of their entire life.

When Oprah asked one of the teenage boys, "what was your favorite part of this whole experience." He said, "the first night when I got to sleep in my own bed." He and his brothers and sisters had all had to share beds. My mouth fell to the floor. His gratitude for something so simple was so profound.

Ever since then, I've had a GREAT appreciation for my own bed. I know my emotions are in overdrive as I get ready to move but I'm just really aware that I have two nights left in my OWN bed. He and Oprah taught me something that day, which of course, is why people go so crazy for her.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

SHED Your Furniture

Craigslist rocks.

Here’s why: the old way of eliminating possessions when one is moving is to select a date for a garage sale, be organized enough to have the ad describing what you will have for sale into the paper on time to meet their deadline, have all the stuff organized and laid out on the appointed day, round up a friend to help out, watch an absolute buying frenzy for the first hour, then sit patiently watching browsers for the next three very slow hours.

With Craiglist, I’ve been putting stuff up on the list from each room as I pack it. It’s amazing how fast some stuff sells (the DVD player took under one hour) and other stuff that I thought would be popular just sits there. When it isn't selling, I can look at the ad and see what would improve it and try again. I’ve had someone call from as far away as California for a set of cutlery (keep dreaming). I have sold every single piece of furniture within one week. At no cost -- gotta love it.

My favorite part is when you realize it’s the same person who keeps coming for your stuff. After awhile, I’d just skip Craigslist and say “here’s what I’m selling today.” Only if she didn’t want it, would the item go on the official list. I’ve advertised stuff for $10.00 an item at a time, an amount that would never merit it’s own paid ad.

For all the dollar items that one would sell at a garage sale, I’ve shown each buyer the small items I’m “shedding.” Usually it would result in $20 to $30 in add-on sales. I get to skip the garage sale! When I see the children's poetry books go to fun families it doesn't hurt to sell them, it feels good. Release the energy!

In the future, I won’t wait to sell stuff in one fell swoop. Daughter #1 sells stuff on Amazon or Craigslist the minute she finishes needing it. No waiting around for garage sale day. Not using it – it’s gone.

For safety, I never let a male come by himself. He always has to have a female in tow. Craigslist is ever vigilant about warning about scams too. That’s good because they’re out there. Here’s one email I received on my washer and dryer:

This deal is on as the secretary has prepared the check as promise But there seems to be a little problem which i think we can handle with care.......When i contact the secretary to confirm if the payment has been prepared,I was made to understand that she made out a check of $2400 instead of $400 claiming that's what i told her . The payment was already posted before i was informed about this but i would not want to delay the sale because of this as we have rectify this with the Bank.All you have to do once you receive this check is to take it to the Bank and have it cleared and cashed and you will deducted your money (for the item ) and plus an additional $50 for all the assistance.The excess fund on the payment will then be wired to my mover via Western Union that same day so that he can come for the pick up as i have already planed on using the excess on the payment to offset the cost of the various shipments he as undertaken on my behalf. Do let me know if i can trust you to have the excess sent to my mover as soon as you have check cleared...Please reply me as soon as possible....
Regards.
They even went so far as to Express mail me a check for $2400!

SCAM.

Monday, September 8, 2008

SHED Your Books


“Once again, I have taken on something impossible:
water with grasses undulating on the bottom….
It is wonderful to look at, but maddening to want to render it.
But then, I am always tackling something like this.”




So wrote Claude Monet on 22 June 1890 to his friend and biographer Gustave Geffroy.

A friend gave me a coffee table book of Monet’s Water Lillies when I had expressed doubt to her that I could leave my hometown, plus my pretty home, and pack up everything to live in a two-bedroom concrete block apartment in student housing and go to graduate school as a single mom with two kids under five.

“Every time you think you can’t do it,” she said, “think of Monet working for ten years to do the impossible -- paint the beauty of water lillies as he saw it at a time when he was actually going blind.”

I did exactly as she asked. It works.

Now do you think I could part with that book? Nope, no way, no how. This is the real hard part of separating my treasures and heaving the rest. My books!

I struggle with parting with the titles that hold great memories but are no longer "necessary" or relevant to my life. Julie Morgenstern asks in her book "When Organizing Isn't Enough": "Do they move you forward toward your new theme?" No.

Out goes all the books I read in preparation for the Chicago Marathon.

Out goes all the books given to me and inscribed by a Pulitzer-prize winning author. I read them already. I am just keeping their energy from going to the next person if they sit on my shelf or in a storage box.

Out go all of my Colorado hiking titles.

Out go most of my children's picture and poetry books. Oooooh the pain of it! I saved three beloved dog-earred titles back. To look at them they should be the first to go.

Treasures I can't part with:

My Library of America titles. They are the collected works of America's greatest writers printed on acid-free paper. My children just roll their eyes when I suggest this is their heritage to be lovingly passed down. They would love nothing better than for me to sell them and free them of this expectation! The likelihood that they are going to read about Francis Parkman's history of life among the early Iroquois, or Grant and Sherman's memoirs of the Civil War complete with maps, or Thomas Jefferson's life writings is close to nil. But if I save them I can hope.

Anything written by or about Winston Churchill. He's the greatest statesman of Western Civilization - nobility pours out of every page.

But I did well. Thank you Julie. Four boxes saved - about six going out. That's pretty good for me when it comes to books. Do you have a favorite book you could never part with no matter what? Here...have a seat... and tell me about it.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

SHED At Work

This weekend I realized I've already experienced SHEDDING in the work world. I once led a three-year effort to SHED all sorts of practices that would prevent an organization from moving forward. Most of them involved eliminating unprofitable ways of doing things that were still being done long after the rest of the industry had evolved to more profitable ways. Every practice had it's staunch defenders who were loathe to give them up.

SHEDDING at work, while as deeply creative as a solo venture, is pretty much a thankless task. That's why it's even more important to constantly evolve at work and not let it build up to one big spurt that has to be done quickly. It exhausts everyone!

Saturday, September 6, 2008

SHED Your Commitments

I once took a week-long jazz appreciation class with an older gentleman who celebrated out loud at the start of our class how exciting it was for our class of jazz lovers to have gathered from all different places to enjoy a week of great music together. His enthusiasm and making the most of each moment is an example I have identified with my whole life.

So when Julie Morgenstern asked her readers in "When Organizing Isn't Enough" to look for schedule commitments that are dragging you down and keeping you from moving forward to the next exciting theme in one's life, I didn't have these. Every single commitment I have is one I thoroughly enjoy. It wasn't always so.

This week I resigned from the board of my local children's museum (#4 in the nation, thank you very much). I have served just shy of six years and loved every minute of it. We are about to start a multi-million addition to the museum and the people on my board are of such terrific good will and wisdom, it was a pleasure to serve. I was on the facility committee and I do wistfully admit I hate missing the upcoming good part because I would have learned sooo much. There are very experienced construction minds on that board. I am very proud of my board work there.

Yesterday, I went and told my pastor that I was moving. My church is AWESOME. My church family is so loving and welcoming and they all get along. The music program is incredible. I love my church because my church never shies away from combining the intellectual and the spiritual. That doesn't seem to be a popular combination in America, because mainline churches are struggling with membership.

One insight I learned from my minister gave me enormous pause at the time he said it. In the context of a discussion about if good manners include how you left the world and the state of your government for the next generation, he said that 100 years from now, future generations will look back at how we used up all the oil and left so much public debt for our children and grandchildren to pay off that they will ask of us with the same spiritually questioning we ask looking at slaveowners from 100 years ago: "What were they thinking?"

Tomorrow I go to my last church service and it's going to be a giant celebration of all the downtown churches getting together to form a redevelopment corporation to uplift our neighborhood. The music program will be incredible as usual, only supersized, as all the choirs from all the churches will sing together outside in celebration. This church commitment has been a gift.

Friday, September 5, 2008

SHED Your Clothes

Wow, that got your attention. It’s not what you might think. SHED is Julie Morgenstern’s acronym from her book “When Organizing Isn’t Enough.” Her book encourages those in a life transition such as an empty nest to separate out our treasures and toss or sell what’s not a treasure.

I’ve just gone through my closets and taken stuff to the consignment shop. I thought I was pretty good about regularly tossing stuff when I replaced things, but some of the stuff I’ve held on to is just silly. Most of it is clothes that I hung on to because I remember what I felt like when I wore them -- each item holds such good memories. I should have just taken a picture!

Among them are business suits that made me feel invincible, pretty summer dresses I wore on a fun vacation, and an outfit I wore when I had a new baby (the baby is twenty now).

The silliest thing I hung on to was a winter coat I wanted to save just in case I ever went luging again. How many times have I ever gone luging? A grand total of once. But if I ever was able to do it again, I wanted to be prepared. I didn’t want to ruin a new winter coat. I haven’t lived near a luge in ten years! I moved this old coat three times!

There’s nothing like a move overseas to make me examine what I have. The consignment shop said “please, only items that are less than two years old.” If all things have a physical energy to them, I could have passed this energy on out to the universe to somebody else who needed it when the clothes were still in style and could have done them some good.

What's hanging in your closet that you no longer wear but you can't bear to part with out of sentiment? What will you help you let it go?

Thursday, September 4, 2008

SHED Your Music

When it came to purchasing music, the good ole days weren't better. In my tweens, we purchased "45s", records that contained an "A" side and a "B" side. If the artist merited it, we'd purchase a whole album, once we had a job and were earning money. It was amazing how many albums one person could amass without any overt effort due to 100% disposable teenage paychecks.

But then we needed portability -- we were in our cars, right? Cassette tapes could be popped in and listened to in vehicles and in portable players. So we purchased the same music that we already owned once, only this time on cassette.

The music industry then said, "no, you don't want cassettes, you need to get all of your own music on eight-track tapes." I can't remember what the selling point of eight-track tapes was, especially since they would change to another track right in the middle of a song. That format was really short-lived. But I had a few of those too.

Next came CDs. The music industry said, "oh the quality is better, you can find the exact song you want, and it won't skip or get stuck [not true and I"m not falling for that one again!]

By then, if you really liked a band, like the Beatles or the Stones, you were likely to have purchased it in four different formats! Oh how the musicians of today must envy the luck of those musicians who came before them. Carole King must still be dining out on album sales alone, before boomers purchased her Tapestry album (one of the largest selling albums ever) again on cassette...and again on 8-tracks....and again on CD.

So here I sit with this CD collection, not having digitized it previously because it wasn't a compelling use of my time. Since I'm moving, and I want the music, but don't want the physical 'stuff,' I'm finally digitizing it to take with me. Thank goodness, I started this project a month ago, it takes forever! I'm transferring each CD to a small storage device. I think it will actually increase my listening.

But that's it! My time is too precious to me to spend this much time messing around with metadata. I don't have any idea how to digitize sentimental homemade cassettes. Do you? This was the easy part of shedding the old and moving on to the new ala Julie Moregenstern's 'SHEDing' process. The harder stuff is coming up.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

SHEDing a house and a full-time role

The number one search term that brings people to my blog are labels on Julie Morgenstern and her book “When Organizing Isn’t Enough.” A lot of people must be going through the same thing that I’m going through, the need to transition from one phase of life to another. Her book is fantastic and these are a few of her thoughts I find useful.
Julie says:
“There are three common characteristics that define people who are ready to SHED.
1) There is a specter of some better future in your mind [for me, sampling a life of rich culture in Prague].
2) You don’t know if you’ll be able to do “it" [pull up stakes and move overseas].
3) You’re feeling weighed down by something that’s preventing you from moving forward [a whole house of stuff useful to my full-time parenting life which I am now sorting through and hoping to SHED].

She says SHED can be used by anyone going through any sort of transition at any time in their lives, including those prompted by anticipated natural life transitions such as moving, retirement, graduating, marriage, promotion, new baby, empty nest, or a new business.”
What’s the difference between SHEDing and organizing?
Julie says:
“Think of it this way: if organizing is dropping anchor once you know what you want, SHEDing is lifting anchor so you can go someplace new.

1) Organizing is about identifying what’s important to you and giving yourself access to it. SHEDing is about getting rid of the old and obsolete so that you can have space to discover what’s important to you.
2) A perfectly organized closet filled with items you never use can be SHED.
3) It’s possible to get organized without every throwing anything away…it’s impossible, however, to SHED without letting things go.
4) SHED is an ongoing process that generates movement and fuels transformation, which means the finish line is harder to define. You measure success by the feeling of having completed a transition, as well as the subsequent energy, authenticity and excitement about your life which ensues.
I find her words so helpful because I do want to make this transition a happy celebration of what I have accomplished as a single parent and an exciting pivot to a new life. This book helps me make the most of this moment. 

What has helped your mindfulness during a life transition?

Saturday, August 30, 2008

14 Days

I have fourteen days from today to pack up my home, have a garage sale, and hand it over. I'm told that Europeans don't hold garage sales. How come? What do you do then when your children get older and grow out of their baby clothes and equipment? How would you sell your furniture and the small stuff you no longer need?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Revising my Goal

I need to revise my arrival date for Prague. I had originally planned to leave seven days from today and that is not going to happen because my house hasn't sold yet. It will though. I have faith.

The good side of that is that I will get to spend time with my children one last time before they go back to college. They arrive Friday.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

For Sale By Owner

Tomorrow I'm listing my house for sale on a local "for sale by owner" website.
The total cost is $99.00. I've sold a home "for sale by owner" once before. I love copywriting and sales and describing that which I love, my home, so I'll see how it goes.

I am as ready as I'm ever going to be. It took longer than I thought to prepare and stage my house. All the vendors were terrific. Usually they promise they'll show up by such and such date and don't deliver. My painters were so nice, that if I wasn't moving half way across the world, I'd want to hang out with them as my new friends!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

"Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life"


There is a first-rate article in Oprah Magazine (yes, I'm an official member of the cult) this month by Julie Morgenstern excerpting her new book When Organizing Isn't Enough. I would link to the article but it hasn't been loaded onto the magazine web site.

Julie says, "Let's say you want to make a major change...but you're stalled. Here's the things: You can't be a new you without to some extent dismantling the old you."

I like my present "you." I don't want to transform my "you" as much as I want to transform my "life." This article spoke to me because the inertia of making an almost 180-degree turn in my life (paring it down, living alone again without my children, moving across the world, beginning new work in a new culture) can be overwhelming. I can see how people stall and don't go anywhere! It's a lot easier to stay put and not do the work or feel the feelings of loss. Because there are always feelings of loss.

She says:

I devised a four-step system to help people manage their own transitions with grace. I call it SHED, and though the process isn't always pleasant or easy, without it life gets stalled. Clinging to the old, the irrelevant, the stagnant holds you back. It can confine you to a space that no longer fits, denying you the opportunity to be your truest, best self. By releasing your attachment to obsolete items in your space and schedule, you gain the energy and clarity to make changes in your life, find your passion, or deal with the transition of divorce, an empty nest, or retirement. SHED is a transformative process for letting go of things that represent the past so you can grow and move forward. The SHED steps are:

Separate the treasures - Identify and unearth the items and obligations that energize you and have value for the next chapter of your life.

Heave the trash
- Let go of any activity or object that depletes you; the result is a significant opening of time and energy.

Embrace your identity - never mind your stuff. This is your new opportunity to reconnect to your most authentic self.

Drive yourself forward - Begin to fill your space and schedule with activities, experiences, and items related to your future goals.

This blog is a big part of "embracing my identity so I can drive myself forward" to "separate my treasures and heave my trash." Frankly, shedding an old skin can be exhausting. But I find that change is ten times more exhilarating when I make it happen rather than let it happen to me.

What helped you make the transition from full nest to empty nest or from one country to another?
 
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